Raising Mokopuna - My Journey

Raising Mokopuna: My Journey

“Raising mokopuna has been one of the most profound experiences of my life.”

I was fortunate to live in a multigenerational home with my husband, my son, and his partner, who were raising their own tamariki alongside us. In the traditional sense, this was a blessing having multiple generations together created a natural support system, a whānau network carrying knowledge, love, and guidance.

I was also blessed to have my nanny, Hinerangi, still here with us. Her presence brought a sense of wholeness, grounding, and continuity of our whakapapa, reminding me of the strength and wisdom that flows through generations.

During this time, I was also fortunate to have my eldest daughter living with us for a short period while she navigated a divorce and tried to find herself again. Having her close brought both comfort and perspective, as we supported one another through life’s transitions. Her presence was a reminder of the resilience of our whānau and of the importance of holding space for those we love while they rebuild and grow.

I was also supported by my cousin, an experienced ECE kaiako, who ensured my mokopuna were enrolled in her childcare so she could nurture them too. These connections were invaluable, helping me navigate the responsibilities of caregiver, teacher, and provider while balancing full-time work.

Navigating Challenges

Life was not without its challenges. We all worked full-time jobs just to stay afloat, and applying for a benefit felt daunting especially when interacting with WINZ case managers in my place of work. I carried a deep sense of shame, leaning on a system that often felt designed to suppress rather than uplift and empower.

There were times I felt like a failure having struggled with my own addictions, I feared I had let my children down. At the same time, I wrestled with complex emotions toward my mokopuna’s mother. I resented her, closing her off at times, yet felt deep mamae seeing her life unravel before me and being powerless to help her. Holding the tension of love, pain, and frustration was exhausting, but it also taught me about compassion, boundaries, and the limits of what one person can carry.

Joy, Grief, and the Emotional Journey

Balancing work while raising mokopuna brought moments of pure joy, laughter, and connection but also grief, guilt, and frustration. Navigating schools, healthcare, and social systems could feel isolating, and sometimes it seemed as though no one truly saw the effort it took to hold everything together.

Menopause added another layer. Changes in energy, mood, and focus reminded me that I too needed care and attention. Nurturing myself was not indulgent; it was essential. It allowed me to continue giving from a place of strength, presence, and balance.

The Wisdom of Whānau

Through it all, I learned the values of whānau, showing up, leaning on those who remained, and embracing intergenerational connection became acts of resilience and love. Even amidst struggles, there was joy, growth, and the quiet power of being present for the ones who needed me most.

My Why

“Raising mokopuna while navigating menopause is becoming increasingly common for wāhine today.”

Traditionally, this was part of everyday life, supported by extended whānau, but modern life looks different. As wāhine, we carry so much responsibilities, expectations, emotions, and the physical and emotional changes of this life stage.

I want to empower wāhine, providing guidance, support, and a space to navigate this stage of life with strength, dignity, and connection. By sharing my story, I hope to inspire others to embrace their journey, lean on their whānau, and reclaim their mana as caregivers, nurturers, and wāhine of wisdom.

My Journey

Nau mai, haere mai

A space to share, reflect, and connect through our kōrero.

“Nā te kōrero ka ora ai te whakaaro

Through storytelling, our thoughts are given life.”

Being Raised by My Nannies

I was raised by two extraordinary wāhine, my nannies, Hinerangi Te Paea and Heraraumiria. Legally, I was adopted by Heraraumiria, my Mum, who my whānau loving referred to as Nanny Spoon. Much of my childhood was spent in the loving care of Heraraumiria, Hinerangi and my Aunty Hine.

I had a happy childhood filled with laughter, learning, and the warmth of whānau. But beneath the surface, I often felt alone, not quite belonging anywhere. There were moments when I wondered where I truly fit, and who I was meant to be, questions that would quietly shape my journey into adulthood.

Approaching Menopause While Raising My Mokopuna

Years later, I found myself stepping into a new season approaching menopause while raising my mokopuna, who were just one and two years old.

I was around 45 at the time still young in my mind, full of energy and ideas but my body was quietly telling me that changes were underway. There were shifts in my energy, my moods, and the rhythms I had relied on for so long.

At the same time, the responsibility of caring for two little ones demanded constant attention, patience, and love. Balancing the care of mokopuna with the changes I was experiencing in my own body brought both challenges and unexpected moments of insight.

The Challenges

It wasn’t easy. I loved my mokopuna, with all my heart, but I also found myself longing to regain some snese of freedom. I thought I could reclaim, fun, and connection by drinking socially.

But what started as an occasional indulgence quickly became toxic. I felt the tension between wanting to reclaim a part of myself and the responsibilities that filled my life.

I knew the impact drinking would have not just on my hinengaro and tinana, but on my mokopuna and whānau because back in 2002 I had completed eight weeks of rehab. That experience taught me how destructive patterns could ripple through our lives, and the importance of stepping back, reflecting, and taking action before harm reached those I love.

This period became a mirror showing me patterns I hadn’t fully acknowledged and inviting me to reflect deeply on who I was becoming. It challenged me to consider how I could support myself as a wāhine, a grandmother, and a professional, while still holding space for love, connection, and growth.

Facing Deeper Challenges

I stopped drinking, but I hadn’t yet dealt with the anger and resentment I carried towards my daughter, my mokopuna’s mum. That resentment seeped into every part of my life, turning me into someone I barely recognised.

At work, I supported vulnerable whānau, understanding the struggles and mamae and I could see my own unresolved trauma reflected back. It was a strange and painful mirror helping others while still carrying the weight of my own emotions.

Then menopause intensified hitting me hard in 2021. Interestingly, it came after I received the COVID vaccine, and my symptoms were more intense than anything I had experienced before. My body was shifting in ways that demanded attention, care, and acceptance.

Through all of this, I realised that healing is not linear stopping drinking was just the first step. To truly care for myself, my mokopuna, and my whānau, I needed to face my anger, process my grief, and navigate menopause with awareness.

The combination of unresolved anger, menopausal changes, and full-time work began to take a toll. I remember standing in front of Rangatahi during a presentation, my mind clouded with brain fog along wih the anxiety hot flashes brought on. Another incident left me snapping at a colleague in frustration. I saw the reflection of my anger and exhaustion, and I knew something had to change not just for me, but for my mokopuna and the whānau I care for.

A Turning Point

Eventually, I made the difficult decision to resign from my mahi. Walking away was not easy, but it allowed me to preserve dignity and integrity, and gave me the space to heal and focus on my health.

It was in this pause, this intentional stepping back, that the seed for TOI WāHine Empowerment was planted a vision born from lived experience, personal transformation, and the desire to support wāhine navigating their own journeys of change, challenge, and growth.

Healing doesn’t happen all at once, and my story is still unfolding, I’ll share how I navigated change, reflection, and growth and I invite you to continue walking this path with me.

For wāhine who want to take steps on their own journey of empowerment, our Resource Hub offers kōrero, guided reflections, and resources to support growth, resilience, and connection to whānau. Nau mai, haere mai let’s walk this path together.

“Every challenge holds a lesson, and every kōrero carries wisdom - for ourselves, our mokopuna, and the wāhine walking beside us.”